Interpretation of a Man Date

I do a lot of back reading in my research for Columbia Journalism Review. Mostly I’ll be fact-checking an upcoming CJR story and I’ll come across a piece of writing that I find particularly interesting.

Here is a New York Times piece that I found to be just that, not for its subject matter but for the hoopla it created. For those of us who are lazy and hate to read here is a brief and excellent synopsis.

This article is about the “Man Date.” This term, coined by the Columnist Jennifer 8 Lee (yes, that’s a number for a middle name), has become the new ‘metrosexual’ since she invented it for her piece titled “The Man Date; What do you call two straight men having dinner?”

Some call this great writing, forcing us to ask questions about our sexuality and comfort zones. I can just read the positive critique now “Jennifer 8 Lee does it once again, digging deep into the male psyche and discovering what motivates us to go on platonic dates with members of the same sex despite awkward feelings.”

I, however, have to strongly disagree. On some levels I found this New York Times piece to be offensive.

I think journalism that covers the LGBT community and issues of sexuality are good, don’t get me wrong, but it’s offensive to those serious issues when we quibble and giggle about two straight men going out to dinner. Does this really deserve a column in the Times or in the Onion?

Yes, the article is a fun read, but I don’t think it deserves any credit beyond being called entertaining.

I find it hard to believe that hanging out with your male friends, even in a setting that lacks sports or TV, requires that much effort. By applauding it, Lee is defacto calling it into question.

Nor is it awkward for one man to pay for the other (if they are friends), as the article exclaims. In fact, I have one specific friend in LA whom I go out to dinner with all the time and we take turns paying for each other. If anything its one of the more cherished times I have with him. Moreover, homosexuality doesn’t even need to be brought into the equation. What kind of assumptions is Lee working with that she thinks two men can’t grab dinner without everyone assuming they are gay?

Lee definitely interviewed her fare share of men for the piece, but it’s easy to see where she may have coaxed answers out of them. If I hadn’t read the piece and was questioned in the right way I’m sure I could provide fodder for the Man Date hypothesis too. But with a little reflection I wouldn’t, for one second, try and propose the idea that my male friends and I have a hard time hanging out simply because we are both men and the TV cable is out.

(me on a date? No, just hanging out with a friend, at a bar and…gasp…no distractions)

If anything the awkwardness perceived in this piece was created by Jennifer 8 Lee for a laugh (and seriously, what’s with the number for a middle name?). Perhaps it stems from the people she interviewed too, but I could probably find 50 guys out on the street right now who are afraid to hug other men. Does that mean I should write a column about the Man Hug and the different tactics men use to make that hug less awkward? Should that be published in the Times?

Some might think Jennifer’s column addresses homophobia in a witty and playful manner. Feel free to steer me right here, but for now I can’t find a contribution from this piece outside of some laughs. My personal opinion, this is no more worthy of a coloumn than two gay men actually going on a Man Date. I can see the headline now “Local Gay Couple Have Italian Dinner.”